Shout Out Health

ASK THE THERAPIST: How Did I Develop a Foot Fetish?

Q: As an adult, I am attracted to feet, but I am still plagued by one incident when I was about 10 years old.  I was with a friend of the same age and asked him to take his shoes and socks off to be like a couple of wrestlers who wrestled barefoot.  When we started wrestling, I was groping at his feet, then I put him in a hold with my legs and was groping at his feet again. I can't remember what I was feeling at the time, but he was laughing, but now I am concerned it was just nervous laughter.  Basically I cannot understand for the life of me why this happened and it leaves me guilt ridden.  Did I abuse and exploit him?

A: Mutual physical play with two boys at age 10 would rarely be called abuse or exploitation except in the rarest of circumstances and certainly not here.  Clearly your preference for foot play was present in your tween years and you sought to explore your budding sexual impulses the way 10 year old boys sometimes do -- with physical activity and games.  And now you feel guilty because the other boy
probably had no idea that you had ulterior motives. 


I doubt the other boy remembers the incident, but I'll bet he does remember that you were a worry wart.  Even if he did remember the move and somehow knew you had sexual motivations, it may not produce anything more than a gag reflex.  Only the most sensitive and (usually) previously abused individuals would be scarred by a non-genital related, though unusual, wrestling move by a fellow 10 year old.

If I were you I would get to the bottom of this guilt spiral.  A little guilt goes a long way, but guilt that is inappropriately or abundantly applied is going to hurt you and may mean you have some other issues that may be festering, like obsessive thinking, rigidity, and social relatedness problems. 

And, as far as the foot attraction goes, more power to you.  Many people I know are ashamed of their feet, but you celebrate them.  The key is to find a partner who likes to receive as much as you like to give. -- Greg Cason, PhD

Your Daily Dose: Another William Levy Alert, Ex-gay Group Fizzles, and More ...

Don't have time to find today's hottest health-related (or just plain inspiring) headlines? Here's what making news as we speak (we opt for the upbeat or amusing, when at all possible). After all, you can find all the bad news on CNN, right?)... Enjoy your day!

  

HORMONE THERAPY:  Happy Monday! (aka another William Levy alert!) 

MUST READ: Homophobic? Must be gay ... 

I NEED A HERO: Obama backs anti-bullying measures ...

I NEED ANOTHER 'HERO': GOP pollster advises reverse on gay issues ...

 BREAKING GOOD NEWS: Ex-gay conference canceled for lack of interest ...
 

ASK THE THERAPIST: Help! I'm Obsessed with Online Dating (and Still Single) ...

Q: I've been online dating and hooking up, but so many people are NOT what they say they are, and it's getting me down. Is everyone out there just a liar? I want to find my soul mate, and I hate the bars, and one of my best friends met his husband online. I spend hours online every week looking for love, but no luck. Any advice?

A: Let's consider the above question as an online dating ad. What do we know about you? We know you hook up with people but really want a soul mate AND you spend hours online looking for love but have no luck.  So far, not so good. To top it off, you believe everyone is liar?  Downright bad. 

Would you consider a relationship with someone who thinks like that?  I hope not. If we weren't talking about you, I suspect you would be extending your thumb and forefinger and then holding those same two fingers against your forehead about now.

If you want to meet a husband, you have to start acting like husband-material.  Get off-line and get back to real life!  You don't have to go to bars, but you have to go out where people are. I know, I know... join a gym, take a cooking class, host a charity drive to distribute lingerie for needy sexy people. Whatever!  Just get out there.

If you have been living in the virtual night crawler world, it may take some getting used to and you may experience some bumps along the way. But, the payoff will be worth it as you begin to discover that men do more than just point, click, and poke. 

Try this 7-step "Back-to-real-life" homework:

1.     Freeze all of your online sex accounts.
2.     Inactivate your Facebook account (I know, sacrilege!).
3.     Stay off Craigslist, Rentboy, and any other social sexworking sites.
4.     Limit all other non-work related Internet and Email use to one hour a day. (Ouch!)
5.     Give up all casual hook-ups.  No sex unless they buy you dinner first (or you them)!
6.     Do at least two separate off-line, people-meetin', purpose-driven activities a week.
7.     Do this for 6 months. Really, 6 months!

By the end you will have shed that layer of husband-repellant that you keep spraying on yourself night after night. You see, I know there is a decent human being lurking in there who wants to love and be loved.  Right now he's coated with bitterness and negativity -- and that's not pretty to wake up next to in the morning. 

At the end of 6 months, I then invite you to reassess your values, your view of others, and your view of yourself and your own situation. If you haven't started meeting some nice husband-types who still dial telephones and don't speak in acronyms, then you are free to go back to online dating. Your time venturing forth into the concrete jungle will have made you far more interesting to other men and you will start to recognize that other men are far more interesting to you.. -- Greg Cason, PhD

Your Daily Dose: William Levy Alert, "Bully" is Must-See Movie, Madonna's Deadmau5 Feud Ends, and More ...

Don't have time to find today's hottest health-related (or just plain inspiring) headlines? Here's what making news as we speak (we opt for the upbeat or amusing, when at all possible). After all, you can find all the bad news on CNN, right?)... Enjoy your day!

  

HORMONE THERAPY:  Happy Wednesday! (aka William Levy alert!) 

MUST-SEE MOVIE: "Bully" opens on March 30 ...

I NEED A HERO:  White House steps up to stop gay teen bullying ...

I NEED ANOTHER 'HERO': Remembering World AIDS Day ...

MUST READ:  The gay alternative to Obamacare?

 POP CULTRE:  Madonna and Deadmau5 make peace ... 

COSMOS: Your Health Horoscope for the Week! Tensions Rising, Capricorn?

March 26-April 1, 2012: Try to be sensitive to others and what can potentially stress them out this week. Adjust. It doesn't have to head into an argument or the countless 'next' world war. It's not always that bad, but it's a time when the unexpected can just reach out and grab you at a moment's notice. Sure, things may be tense here and there this week, making you wonder what's up and what's not. Just try to stay calm and rational. Logically look at things and see how you may have unwittingly created even a part of the problem. If you've blown it, apologize. That won't kill you, will it?

Aries, Cancer, Libra and Capricorn, are tensions rising again? Try to keep a clear head and think about what could happen next. Above all, don't transfer your fears and anxieties and then wonder what happened. It's bound to be a week when unexpected tensions could give rise to those volcanic eruptions you really didn't want to face. So you deal! Breathe, deal, and see where you're going wrong. On Friday especially, things may come to a head. Keep the emotional freak out to a minimum and try to hear what the other person is saying. It will pass, and you can close out the week by mending instead of burning those bridges.

Taurus, Leo, Scorpio and Aquarius, warm and genuine feelings are possible on Monday. It's a great way to transition into a new week, isn't it? If you're feeling some of the tensions others are projecting, try to remember that you don't have to absorb it. Keep a cheery mindset, be compassionate with others, and lend a helping hand if that's what seems to be the right thing to do. From Tuesday through Thursday, it's possible to get caught up in a lot of mindless chatter. Be patient. Use these days for brainstorming because making things happen can be sticky right now.

The art of communication may be quite high on your list this week, Gemini, Virgo, Sagittarius, and Pisces, especially from Tuesday through Thursday. Tuesday can start out with confusion to be sorted out. Tensions can begin to rise by Tuesday evening. Do what you can to make repairs while things are calm again on Wednesday, but understand that it may not be possible to fix the damage just yet. Try to stay on level ground on Thursday morning when your interactions may once again be pretty sketchy at best. If you're getting the brunt of the energy, go with the flow and accept that in the meantime. -- Michelle Young

Young is the author of the upcoming book, Italian Butterfly's Snail's Pace Astrology. Watch for a new COSMOS every Monday on ShoutOutHealth.com!